Edge to the Future
by suspect tomatoes
Summary: It's funnier than a screen door on a battleship. One-shot.


**A/N: I'm really disappointed no one got my reference (Ali got one of them). You guys disgust me. Ha! Just kidding. You guys only disgust Edge.**

Adam sat behind a huge palm bush, trying to line up the make-shift bow and arrow he was holding with the warthog that was snorting through the dirt a few feet away.

"Adam!"

Mike came bursting past the pig, scaring it away into the surrounding jungle. He paid it no mind as he hurried over to Adam.

Adam gritted his teeth and looked up. "_What_, Mike?"

"We fixed it! The car!" Mike tugged Adam to his feet, pulling him through the scratchy brush. "We can go home!"

"Go home?" Adam pulled his arm free. "Why would we want to go home?"

"Um..." Mike looked down. "Because you look like a caveman?"

"Yeah, but it's accepted here."

"When's the last time you got laid?"

Adam blinked, looking away. He scratched at his chin. "Yeah, we should probably go home. I need to shave."

"Smart guy."

They broke through the thick surroundings and greeted the humid sunshine beating down on them. MacKenzie was sitting beside one of the many lakes they'd stumbled upon, hair up on top of her head, fanning herself with a leaf. Britt, Matt and Ali were tackling each other in the water, their laughter lifting high above the trees.

MacKenzie looked back with a grimace. "Can we go home yet, Mike?"

"Absolutely! I built a clock for the car."

"Out of what?" Adam bobbled his head. "Coconuts?"

Mike furrowed his brow. "No. My wrist watch."

Adam looked away. "Oh."

"How can you make a – "

"Don't worry about it!" MacKenzie stood up. "Is it ready? It's so goddamn hot out here. I want to go home."

"Yeah. Just tell everyone."

Adam watched Mike walk off toward the car, and he grabbed Mack's arm before she could leave too. "Are you okay?"

She sighed. "It's too hot."

"Is that it?"

Mack wrinkled her nose. "Your beard is nasty."

Adam smiled slightly, bending down to kiss the tip of her nose. "I promise to shave the second we get back."

"Good. It's like kissing a brillo pad." She turned toward the lake. "Hey, assholes! Get out of the water. It's time to leave."

Matt looked up, his hair exploded in a nest of black curls. "What? Why?"

"Because I can scrape rust off a car with your hair." Mack threw her thumb toward Mike. "Go back to civilization."

Matt frowned. "Is my hair really that bad?"

"Humidity is not your best friend, baby." Britt kissed his cheek, smiling. "But five o'clock shadow is. You look so fine."

"Thanks, sugar."

"All right!" Mack kicked some dirt at her feet. "Be lovey-dovey in the twenty-first century." MacKenzie paused, holding up her hand as Michael threw his head to the sun majestically. She looked at Ali. "He done?"

"Yeah." Ali climbed out of the water and shook her hair out. She fell over into a pile of leaves.

Mack blinked. "You okay, man?"

"Whoops!" Ali held her hands out as Mike ran over, helping her up. "Lost my balance."

Mack shook her head. "Okay. Well, let's get going. It's so damn hot."

Mike helped Ali into the front seat while everyone else piled into the back. He got in next to her and shut the door, turning his head to look at them. "Everyone set?"

A rumble of grunts and angry groans answered him.

He turned the ignition. "Perfect!"

Ali bounced in her seat. "Whoa, whoa, Michael. You better back up. We don't have enough road to get up to 88 miles per hour."

"Roads? Where we're going, we don't need," Mike flipped his sunglasses down, "roads."

"You really need to stop quoting that – "

* * *

Everyone screamed as Michael steered the car into a pool of deep water. He tried to control it as best as he could, but they soon found themselves at the bottom, driving along the sand.

"Where are we?" Ali screamed, watching the car slowly fill up with water.

"Fucking Tokyo, you fucking retard!" Adam started shaking. "We're under the fucking ocean!"

"Adam, calm down." MacKenzie grabbed his shoulders. "Don't have a panic attack."

"It's up to my knees!" Matt screamed.

"That's what she said!" Michael laughed.

Adam tried to kick Mike in the head, but MacKenzie sat on his lap. "Get off me!" he yelled.

"Wait, wait!" Mike coasted, squinting at something up ahead. "What's that?"

"Oh, what now?" Adam groaned. "Sharks?"

"It's a sign!"

Michael gasped. "Great Scott!"

Ali leaned forward, sloshing water onto the dashboard. "Try to see what it says!"

Adam's breaths were getting louder and shallower. "Oh, Jesus. We're gonna die. We're gonna die. We're gonna die."

"Adam! Shut the fuck up, man!" Michael leaned forward, water practically hitting the steering wheel.

Ali frowned. "Adam."

"_What_?" he growled.

She pointed at the sign. "It's your address."

Mack sat up slightly. "What? What are you talking about?"

Michael looked out the passenger window as he stopped the car parallel to it. "Yep. There it is."

"Don't stop the fucking car!" Adam screeched. "Are you just gonna let us drown?"

The car started rumbling.

Britt, who had stuffed her face into Matt's chest, lifted her head. "What's going on?"

"What is that?" Ali whispered.

Everyone looked out the windows as a plastic covering closed over them.

"What the fuck is going on?" Adam cried.

The area surrounding them drained, so they were left in a very dry type of bubble.

Michael's mouth dropped. "What's going on?"

A big red three appeared on the plastic in front of them. Then a two. Then a one.

"I don't like this – "

The entire bubble was suddenly launched out of the water, soaring at lightning speed up into space. Everyone's screams carried loudly as they zipped throughout the galaxy, passing different comets and stars.

The bubble slowed a bit, approaching what looked like the moon.

Ali frowned. "What is that?"

Michael leaned over the steering wheel. "Is that – "

"It's the Canadian flag!" Adam pushed MacKenzie off of him, pulling himself forward to get a better look. "What's the Canadian flag doing on the moon?"

"What are _we_ doing on the moon?" Matt asked.

The bubble landed on a strip of pavement that was closed off by a gate, shattering into a million pieces. The gate creaked open.

Michael blinked. "Should I... Should I drive?"

"What else would we do?"

Mike nodded, pressing his foot on the gas. He slowly eased the car up the massive hill, toward the gigantic house set on top of it.

"Where are we?" MacKenzie murmured.

"The moon."

"Shut up, Adam." Mack hit his arm. "I meant... I mean, this obviously isn't 2009."

Michael slammed on the breaks when someone shimmered up in the middle of the road. The man held his hand up.

Michael rolled down the window as the man walked over to him.

"Do you authorization to be on the premises?"

Mike glanced up at the guy. He jumped slightly. "_Chris_?"

Chris frowned. "Do you have authorization to be on the premises?"

"Honestly, I have no fucking idea where I – "

"Yes." Ali leaned over Michael's lap, smiling slightly. "Yes, we do."

Chris narrowed his eyes. "Can I see your Edgeports?"

Adam snorted.

Michael blinked at Chris. "Uh... Edgeports?"

"Yes."

Michael looked into the backseat. "Edgeports?"

Adam shrugged.

Mike turned back to Chris. "We don't have – "

"Treason!" Chris flipped something up on his wrist and dialed quickly. "We have trespassers, I repeat, we have trespassers!"

"No, no, we're not – "

A red and blue blinking car zoomed out from behind the mansion and flew down to where Michael was parked, landing directly nose to nose with them. The man got out and shot something directly at Michael, and the entire roof blew off the car.

Everyone screamed.

"Take these reekazoids to the edgeons!" Chris pointed his wrist machine at all of them, pressing a button.

Mack screamed. "Adam, our wrists!"

Adam looked down. Red, glowing bands were radiating around their hands, binding them together.

The guy dressed like a police officer stormed over and hauled Michael out of his seat, shooting chains around his feet as he grabbed Ali next.

Britt sat up. "_Jay_?"

Jay glanced into the backseat, but went on to binding Ali with the same chains he'd bound Mike with.

"That's Jay!" Britt yelled.

Jay grabbed Matt next, putting him next to Ali, but when he turned back, he gasped. He looked at Chris. "Are you out of your edge?"

"What are you edging talking about?"

"Watch your languedge around the King!" Jay fell to his knees, keeping his face against the ground. "Your edgellency, our deepest apologies."

Adam blinked. "What's going on?"

Chris choked a breath. "Great Edge!" He collapsed onto his stomach, throwing his arms out in reverence. "My king, my savior."

Adam looked at MacKenzie. "Mack – "

"Queen MacKenzie!" Jay scrambled to his feet and came over to her side, taking her hand. He dropped to one knee and kissed her skin. "My queen, it's an honor."

Mack smiled awkwardly. "Yeah... "

"What are you two doing outside of the Edgedom?" Chris grimaced at the car. "In some sort of... unworthy vehicle. Come! We must return you to the castle at once."

"Castle?"

"Quickly now!" Jay ushered them to his cop car, glancing back at their friends. "Who are you?"

"They're with us," Adam said. He motioned to them. "Have them sent with us."

"Of course, your edgellency."

"Adam, what is going _on_?" MacKenzie whispered, getting into the back seat.

"I think we're royalty." Adam closed the door. "And I think Chris and Jay work for us."

"But – "

"Babe, this is awesome! Who cares if it doesn't make sense. We're fucking king and queen of the moon! And I've instated a rule that edge must be put into everything, apparently."

"Everything?" Mack leaned closer to him, grinning. "Edge is only supposed to be put into _me_."

Jay got in behind the wheel. "My queen, it's my civil duty to say, 'Ba dun tish.'"

**A/N: Okay, I lied. One more. I promise. Review.**

**Oh, and a little disclaimer now: if I see anyone putting edge into everyday words after I post this, I'm gonna fucking kick your head off. Sorry, I don't mean to be a bitch, but it's my civil duty.**


End file.
